Whatever It Takes

Well this sabbatical isn't turning out to be much of a break, but that's
a good thing. On theride home from a late rehearsal tonight, it occured
to me that every time this one personcrossed my mind, it was as if a
dark cloud showed up in my brain. On further reflection, Irealized that
I was holding a grudge, not just against this one person, but against
several.They had done things to me, but more importantly to others,
and I had not fully forgiven them for it. Much grovelling to God for
His forgiveness ensued, immediately followed by solemn requests that
He might help me to forgive them. It seemed that I couldn't manage on
my own, even though I want to. I was still holding on. But I know, b/c
scripture says it, that I will only be forgiven as much as I can forgive.
That's quite a clench to be in. Thank God (literally) that someone else
paid that price.

My thoughts then led me to the fact that God must have been tempted
to hold a grudge. Obviously He didn't do it, but as man, as Jesus, he
was tempted to do all the majorly bad things that we do all the time
--- but he didn't. He was tempted so that we could know He went
through it too. I was struck by how well our God handles himself. I was
struck by the grace of his life, and how well he lived it. I was just struck.
Then I turned on my radio. Here's what came out
A strangled smile fell from your face
It kills me that I hurt you this way
The worst part is that I didn't even know
Now there's a million reasons for you to go
But if you can find a reason to stay

I'll do whatever it takes
To turn this around
I know what's at stake
I know that I've let you down
And if you give me a chance
Believe that I can change
I'll keep us together
Whatever it takes

She said if we're gonna make this work
You gotta let me inside even though it hurts
Don't hide the broken parts that I need to see
She said like it or not it's the way it's gotta be
You gotta love yourself if you can ever love me

I'll do whatever it takes
To turn this around
I know what's at stake
I know that I've let you down
And if you give me a chance
And give me a break
I'll keep us together

I know you deserve much better
Remember the time I told you the way that I felt
And that I'd be lost without you and never find myself
Let's hold onto each other above everything else
Start over, start over

I'll do whatever it takes
To turn this around
I know what's at stake
I know that I've let you down
And if you give me a chance
Believe that I can change
I'll keep us together
Whatever it takes
I told God in that moment that I would do whatever
it takes to learn to forgive the way I should, to learn
to love those who don't do loveable things. Today,
God taught me that I am looking for others to fill me
up, and when I encounter someone who takes from me
and doesn't give back, instead of turning to the source
of life and love, I just allow myself to be emptied.
I am asking Him to help me stop. It's an old habit, but
through Christ all things are possible.

Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times
shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times? Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times

Matthew 18: 21-22

Because he himself suffered when he was tempted, he is able to help those who are being tempted.

Hebrews 2:18

Jesus looked at them and said, "With man this is impossible,
but not with God; all things are possible with God."

Mark 10:27